Space
by PodBayDoors
Summary: My theory regarding how Sam ends up at Atlantis. A Sam Jack fic. Contains Sheppard Weir references later on. High angst factor! It's the middle of a trilogy starting with This is What's Keeping the Stars Apart and ending with Equations for Falling Bodies
1. Brownian Motion

Stargate SG-1and SGA and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime / Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

* * *

This is the middle story of a trilogy: _This is What's Keeping the Stars Apart, Space, _and _Equations for Falling Bodies._

* * *

"Space flights are merely an escape, a fleeing away from oneself, because it is easier to go to Mars or to the moon than it is to penetrate one's own being"  
Carl Gustav Jung

* * *

"General O'Neill will see you now, Colonel Carter." 

Beautiful and confident as ever, Colonel Samantha Carter rose and followed the executive assistant into the General's office. Within the expansive office was a cherry wood desk and behind the desk sat Major General Jack O'Neill. He stood up as the assistant excused himself. "Carter, it's good to see you."

"You too, sir." Sam suddenly felt a little less confident, standing there in the center of the office. She always tried to avoid seeing Jack here. He was as handsome as always, and that little smile made it hard for her to keep things on a professional level.

Jack walked around the corner of the desk and stood in front of her for one tense moment; then all the military decorum dissolved when she smiled and he wrapped his arms around her, her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, his cheek on her hair. "It's been too long, Sam."

"I know." She tipped her head up to look at him, and her eyes drew him in like a pair of perfectly matched whirlpools. Jack kissed her ravenously, completely forgetting where he was.

"Jack." Sam pulled back, slightly embarrassed.

"You shouldn't come here first when I haven't seen you in a while, Sam." Jack rubbed his face and lips on her neck, savoring the taste and scent he longed for on the nights they were apart. Too many nights. Jack pulled back to look at her, smiling.

"Don't blame me for your bad behavior." Sam said.

"You like it." He let go of her, still smiling. "Have a seat, Sam." He motioned toward a comfortable leather chair in front of the desk. Sam walked over and sat down on the edge of the chair. O'Neill appreciated the skirt. Actually, he appreciated the legs beneath the skirt. _Get a grip, O'Neill. Only a couple of hours to go._ "How are things with SG-1?"

"Great. It's pretty quiet now, since most of the bad guys are gone."

"Yeah, you guys have kicked a lot of interstellar butts. But Carter, that "little trip" to Pegasus you told me about? I got the report yesterday."

"Not a little trip?" Sam asked.

"No."

"Sorry, Jack." Sam shrugged sheepishly.

He smiled at her and shook his head. She looked nervously down at her briefcase.

"Is everything all right, Sam?" By now she'd usually be going on about her latest, greatest technological doohickey. He was happy not to have to pretend to be interested in it, but her subdued behavior concerned him.

"It's fine."

"Just 'fine'? You never show up here without a reason."

Sam glanced at him, unable to hide her unease behind those pool-blue eyes.

O'Neill sat forward, put his hands on the desktop, and looked at her with concern. Something was definitely going on. "What do you need, Sam?"

"I'd like to be reassigned." She felt a lump rise in her throat.

"Back to area 51?" Jack had always felt badly about having returned her to the SGC, but it was necessary given her experience and the threat that they faced at the time. She was right, however, that the risk to earth was now markedly diminished. There really was no reason for her to stay- and Area 51 was a hell of a lot safer. Not that _she_ cared about that.

"I'd like to command Atlantis."

O'Neill looked at her in surprise. "You would?" His heart sank like a stone.

She nodded. "Jack, I've been there twice now, once under some fairly stressful conditions. I know what I'd be getting into."

"Yeah it's only thanks to you that Atlantis is still there. If you hadn't figured out where they were, and then gone out to save Sheppard's sorry ass, they'd all be dead by now." Jack tried to appear nonchalant, but his heart was pounding.

"Atlantis is new and different. I'd like a challenge, Jack."

O'Neill didn't answer. Then, after a moment, he said, "You know you're next in line to head the SGC. Landry won't be there forever. In a few years, you'll be the youngest General we've ever had, and the CO of our most important facility."

"I'm tired of waiting." Their eyes met. Sam finally said, "When Landry retires, I can always come back."

Jack got up and went to the window, looking at the beautiful view but not seeing it, his hands behind his back. "So, what you really want is just to get out of here, and Atlantis is a nice way to do it."

"No, Jack."

"No, Sam."

"What?" Sam remained in her chair. Her cheeks were burning.

"I don't want you out there." He didn't turn around.

Sam took a few moments to calm herself, then rose and put her hand on his arm. "Is that the General or Jack talking? I've got a speech ready for both of you."

"Ah, God, it doesn't matter." Jack rubbed his temples with his hand. "You were on the short list from the start. Woolsey and I agreed we wouldn't order someone to go halfway across the universe. I thought you might decline." Jack turned to look at her. "You're exactly what the IOA wants." He studied her face- a face he'd watched under every conceivable circumstance- and a few that were simply inconceivable. He was glad he didn't really know how far 3 million light-years was. "It's easy to come home. You can use your eponymous bridge."

Sam smiled. "Crossword puzzle answer?"

"Everybody in this town wants to be an eponym."

"Don't be too modest, Jack, you've got your own class of ships."

Jack smiled and nodded. "Now if we just knew how to fly 'em."

Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Jack said, "I'll think about it, Sam. I can't show any favoritism."

Sam shut her eyes for a moment. She must have felt this feeling a hundred times, maybe a thousand. "You never have, Jack."

Jack's eyes narrowed at her tone. Something was going on, and he didn't have a clue. "Anything else, Sam?"

"No." Sam stood, kissed him on the cheek and started toward the door.

"Then I'll see you at home."

Sam turned around. "Jack, I'm staying at the Willard."

"Why?" Jack was stunned. In over two years they had never slept apart whenever she was in Washington.

"If I'm going to Atlantis," Sam looked at him. "I think- I think that it might be easier this way."

"I don't." Jack barely controlled the urge to grab her by her shoulders and give her a good shake. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Is there anything else, sir?" She retreated back behind the military façade.

"When are you leaving Washington?"

"Tomorrow."

Jack nodded, and Sam left, closing the door quietly behind her.

O'Neill turned to the window again. He knew this day would come, he knew it as well as he knew his own name. Carter always wanted to try the next new thing, to discover the unknown, to take chances. Behind that beautiful and proper demeanor was a thrill-seeker. To command Atlantis was the next logical step for her.

But there was more than that. Jack closed his eyes against the sick feeling tightening up inside of him, and remembered the last time he'd felt it. When he'd flipped open the little black box Sam had given him that night in her lab and the only good and decent thing in his life fell through his hands. Jack put his head against the cool window and waited for it to pass.

After the car dropped Jack off at his home he changed and called for a cab. The traffic this time of the day could make what should be a fifteen-minute ride into an hour-long ordeal, and he wanted to track Sam down early. The cab pulled up to the hotel in deepening twilight, but as Jack paid the driver he clearly saw Sam leaving the building, with Malcolm Barrett holding the door for her. He sat back in the cab seat, stunned. Watching them, it suddenly struck him how much younger she was- they were- than he.

"Sir, you are getting out?" The cabbie inquired.

Jack thought for a moment. "No. Take me back to where you found me."

Jack called Andrews, and identified himself. "Cancel the seat for Colonel Samantha Carter. Yeah. I'll be there to get her." He shut the phone and stared out at the luminous city. God, how stupid could one man be? He'd just thought that things could keep going as they had been, and everything would be all right. What an idiot.

_Take a deep breath, Jack._ Most likely Barrett and she had work to discuss- after all Sam was only here for a day. He knew they'd worked with each other several times in the past year. But he didn't understand where Atlantis fit into all of this, or if it did at all.

When Jack got home, he opened two bottles of beer and brought them both over to his easy chair, setting them on the end table. He sat down and put up the footrest, then turned the picture of Sam until he could easily see her face.

The next morning, Jack drove out to Andrews AFB. He got to the terminal just as the airman was explaining the situation to Sam. "For what reason?" she demanded. The anxious airman shook his head, then noticed Jack standing a few feet away. Sam followed the airman's glance and locked eyes with O'Neill. "Carter." Jack said evenly.

Sam stared at him with icy blue eyes.

"Carter, let's go." he nodded toward the door. Sam had no choice but to leave the waiting area with him. While a fight between a general and a colonel was always good fun for the other officers and airmen, it wouldn't reflect well on the records of those involved.

They walked out to his car and left the base. They drove in silence for some time, but as they pulled off the Beltway and headed north, Sam finally gained enough composure to speak. "Why did you cancel my seat?"

Jack had his sunglasses on, his face inscrutable. "I decided there wasn't enough information in your file, Colonel. Motivation isn't something I can just read up on."

Sam remembered when Jack first became a general. Daniel had said, "You'll be in charge. You can do whatever you want."_This would be one of those times, Daniel._

"Where are we going?" Sam watched the Pentagon turnoff slide by.

"Home."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Sam wearily laid her head back on the headrest.

"I'm not dressed to be strolling into my office on a weekday." Jack looked in the side mirror and started to change lanes.

"I never thought I'd see the day you'd care about that, General."

"Drop the General." Jack looked at her.

At that moment, Sam understood the problem was not her qualifications. She closed her eyes and sighed.

They drove up to their townhouse in Arlington. They went up the steps and he unlocked the door, a habit he'd finally picked up here in D.C. when he realized it wasn't quite the same environment as Colorado Springs.

"Do you want a drink? We've got beer or- beer." Jack peered in the refrigerator. "And water."

Sam took her suit jacket off and laid it over the back of a chair in the kitchen. "Beer is fine." She sat down and unbuttoned her tie and top button of her shirt. Jack watched her as he opened the bottles, then brought them over to the coffee table in the living room.

"I remember when you didn't have a clean glass in your house." Sam smiled, pouring her Guinness straight down into the glass.

Jack remembered how he'd taught her to pour Guinness that way. He raised his glass as if for a toast, and they clinked their glasses, though Sam had no idea why.

"Jack, about my motivation."

"No small talk today, huh, Sam?" Jack sat back on the couch.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How about Malcolm Barrett?" Jack took a drink and watched her reaction.

"Jack." Sam said, exasperated. "He's one of the few people I know here. A friend and colleague- who had a very rough time recently as you well know. But I don't think this qualifies as small talk."

He looked at her. "No, it doesn't." Jack let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, Sam." He put his arm around her and pulled her to him.

"For what?" She put her head down on his shoulder.

"For whatever it is that made you stay at the Willard."

"I told you. Atlantis is a long way, Jack. I can't do this anymore." Sam looked up at him, her eyes glistening. She'd tried so hard. She lived for those days they could spend together,_finally_ together. They were just so few and far between now, and even then, there was something in Jack she couldn't get past.

"You built the damn bridge. Use it." Jack looked in her eyes, the frustration beginning to build again.

"I would if I thought you'd be there on the other end."

"This job, Sam, you know I can't….

Sam cut him off. "Even when you're with me, you're not."

"What the hell does that mean?" He didn't understand how he could love her so much and yet she didn't know. He knew he was no poet, no romantic, but how could she _not_ know that she was the only reason he kept going, through the meetings, discussions, travel, negotiations and endless minutiae that kept the world safe? He only did it because Samantha Carter was in it.

"Jack, you've always done what you thought needed to be done. You don't even want to be in charge of Home World Security, but you are."

Jack nodded.

"How is it different for me?"

_Because I want you to stop running all over the damn galaxy and stay here with me._

He looked at her and shook his head.

She finished her beer and got up, then pulled out her phone to dial a cab. Jack gently closed his hand around hers and turned it off. "I'll take you back." Then he slid his hand down her arm and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her toward him.

He looked into her with his piercing brown eyes. "Don't do this, Sam. I know you have to go to Atlantis. You do. The fate of the galaxy and all that crap- it's true. You're our best choice for that command." Jack found her other wrist and pulled her in closer. "But not us."

"You've been giving me orders since the day we met."

"I know I can't make you." Jack said, suddenly understanding that she'd been at the mercy of his thoughts and actions for over a decade. No wonder she wanted to escape. "But, maybe I can make you _want _to." He put his other arm around her waist and pulled her to him. He closed his eyes and put his cheek against her soft hair, his heart beginning to pound. Sam didn't even try to resist, and she was angry because he knew she wouldn't. She never could.

He kissed her, holding her close, stroking her hair gently. "I miss you, Sam." Jack kissed the side of her neck. He could feel her pulse under his lips, feel it begin to quicken as he tightened his arms around her, pressing her to him.

"You do, Jack." It was meant to be a question but came out as a statement. His voice was a smooth narcotic, erasing any trace of rational thought from her mind. All she could think of was the heat from his mouth, and his hands.

"Sam, you don't understand. You never have." He kissed her again, harder this time, as if trying to get through to her somehow. Sam remembered back to the time when she'd thought he wasn't that complex. She'd been wrong.

Jack ran a hand down her back and over her curves, lifting her skirt to caress her thigh, all the while kissing her with a hunger that surprised him every time they were together. Sam kicked off her shoes, giving in to the inevitable. "Sam," he whispered, "it'll never be over."

She breathed in sharply. "It's not enough, Jack," she said even as she unbuttoned his shirt and took it off of him, running her hands over his broad back and shoulders and kissing his neck. Jack unfastened her skirt and it fell to the floor. Within a few minutes, they were in bed, the sunshine streaming through the window, hot on their bodies. He put his lips up to her ear, his body slowly rocking hers. "Won't you miss feeling like this?"

Sam turned her head away from him. "Jack."

He wanted to make her remember him, to remember this moment. "Won't you?"

Sam knew there was no right answer. She suffered his sweet torment until they both came apart under the pressure of their anger and desire.

To be continued...


	2. Degrees of Freedom

Jack took Sam to her favorite restaurant, within walking distance from the house. He was happy not to drive in the East Coast traffic and figured that if he had too much to drink he probably could make it home without killing someone. Sam just thought that if had been like this more often, things would have turned out differently.

They settled into a table overlooking a little pond. It reminded Sam of the pond at Jack's cabin. She looked across the table at him. "Why are we here?"

"I'm going to change your mind."

"I'd like a shot at Atlantis."

"That's not what I mean." Jack's eyes were almost black in the darkened restaurant.

Sam didn't say anything. She couldn't understand why things were happening this way. She and Jack just had so much history. They'd loved each other years before they were lovers, and wanted each other even before that. Probably from the day they met. She smiled.

_Captain, I adore you already._

"What?" Jack asked, happy to see it.

"Just thinking about something you said a very long time ago, and no, I'm not going to tell you."

She was so beautiful in the candle light, it hurt Jack just to look at her. It would hurt anywhere they were, he guessed. He still had a hard time coming to grips with what was going on.

"I always thought you'd be there, Sam." Jack's dark eyes reflected the fire.

"That could be interpreted as taking someone for granted."

"I never thought of it that way." Jack looked out at the lake. "Remember what I told you the day Jacob died?"

"Yes." Sam toyed with her silverware.

Jack watched her slender fingers, mesmerized. He'd tried to keep his distance from her for so long that when the time came to let her in, he just couldn't do it. It was as if there was a wall, built with bricks of emotions that he couldn't name, a wall he'd been working on for as long as he could remember. Jack sighed. That's why he loved to make love with her. There was no other way he knew to get that close to her. She was right, though. It wasn't enough. But he could do better. He stilled those lovely fingers, and held her gaze when she looked up. "Sam, I told you I was sorry. Now tell me what I can do."

"I don't know Jack. For once, I don't have an answer for you."

Jack sat back. _I'm good at waiting. I can wait forever, Sam._

After dinner, they walked back to the townhouse. "Jack, I have to go." Sam almost pleaded. He held her in his arms for as long as she would let him.

"All right."

He dropped her off at the hotel. As he handed her her bag, he said, "You'll get the position in Atlantis. I know Woolsey will agree, and the IOA will accept it."

"Thank you."

"Be expecting a few visits from the Director of Homeworld Security, though." Jack managed to smile.

"Checking up on me?"

"Something like that." Jack said, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. "There's something else you should know." His eyes pinned her down.

"It's not over."

Sam opened the door to her room and set her bag on the desk. She turned on the shower, exhausted. She could never have imagined this day- it was like a crazy dream, and her heart and mind were in such turmoil she couldn't think straight. As she was searching through her bag, the phone rang.

She paused, and hung her head. Then she answered the phone.

"Sam." It was Malcolm.

"Hi."

"You didn't make it back to the SGC today, I see. Did you read that stuff I gave you yet?"

"No, I didn't, on either count." Sam said. "Malcolm?"

"What?"

"I got the position. I'm going to Atlantis."

"I'd like to say I'm happy for you, but I'm not. I should have let Caldwell blow the damn place up."

Sam remembered all the times Jack had just told her what he thought she wanted to hear, instead of how he really felt. Malcolm had no such reservations.

"Sam, how about I take you down to the base tomorrow? I have to go sometime this week, anyway."

Sam was grateful for the moral support. "That'd be nice Malcolm. See you then."

But all she really wanted to do was get off the planet.

Barrett met her in the lobby the next morning. "They need you in the Air Force recruitment ads." Malcolm smiled, taking her bag.

"No they don't, and I can't be anyway."

"Oh yeah, top secret, right down to the face and name." Malcolm ribbed her. They gathered up her things and went down to his car.

Sam was uncharacteristically quiet as they drove south. "Tough day yesterday?" Malcolm asked.

"Jack didn't take it too well. I don't understand. He wants me to go." Sam watched the early autumn colors fly by.

"He wants to be the one to _send_you. There's a difference."

Sam shook her head. She was pretty sure Malcolm was the wrong person with whom to discuss Jack, but she also felt so confused and so utterly alone.

"You presume the man has feelings, Sam. I think that got beat out of him a long time ago." Malcolm signaled for the base turn-off.

"You're right about the beatings, but you're wrong about the feelings, Malcolm." Sam said, looking intensely at him. "They're in there."

Barrett looked at her and shook his head as rolled down his window in front of the guard shack. "Hello, Rogers."

"Have to see your ID anyway, sir," the young airman smiled. Malcolm showed his ID to the guard and they went in. Sam raised an eyebrow at him.

"I come down here to talk with the AFOSI people quite a lot."

"You have your finger in everything, don't you?"

"It's my job to know things." Malcolm shrugged.

He parked the car and turned to her. "Jack had his chance with you, Sam. More chances than any one man deserves. You deserve better. I'd be happier, even if it wasn't me."

Sam smiled. "Malcolm, you really _don't_ give up, do you?"

"Nope. Patience is the other part of my job." He smiled, then opened her door, retrieved her bag, and they went into the Space A terminal.

Sam and Malcolm entered the waiting area, and there was Jack, waiting for her in that familiar leather jacket and khakis. Sam was stunned. His face was impassive and he didn't so much as shift his feet when he saw Agent Malcolm Barrett.

"Good morning, Colonel," O'Neill smiled.

She saluted, "Sir." Jack sighed, and shook his head. "At ease, Colonel."

"Agent Barrett."

"General." They didn't shake hands.

"I see you've gotten our girl here on time." Jack looked steadily at Malcolm.

Malcolm would like to have decked him, but realized Jack would have him facedown on the floor with his arm broken behind his back in less than thirty seconds.

Sam's head was spinning. An airman appeared at her elbow. "Colonel, please come with me, the plane is preparing to close up." Sam wanted to give the young man a hug.

She took the handle of her rolling bag from Malcolm. Jack felt ice water swirling through his veins as he saw their hands touch for a split second. Sam turned to Jack, "I'll let you know when I leave, sir."

Jack nodded. He couldn't breath. Because it had occurred to him that she was already gone. She took a few steps away.

"Carter." Jack said. Sam stopped and turned around, and then looked at Jack. The electricity in her eyes arced over to him and they were held there, immobilized by the current that flowed between them. Sam wanted to let it draw her in, like it had so many times before, but she knew the results would be the same. There was no point. She held her ground. He held his.

Malcolm looked at them both. Clearly, this was territory in which he didn't belong.

"I'll be out in two months." Jack said, his eyes connected to hers.

"Yes, sir." Sam managed to turn, and went out the door to the tarmac.

Malcolm left. Jack stood watching the plane until it lifted off and became a dot in the sky.

In a week Sam was ready to go. It amazed her that it was easier to get to Atlantis than it was to get to Washington. Sam entered the base carrying only her briefcase. She walked over to the elevator doors nervously, and pressed level 28.

"Thought you'd just bypass the goodbyes and go straight to the gate?" a familiar voice said from behind her.

She turned and smiled. "Daniel." Sam hugged him enthusiastically, whacking him in the back with her case.

"You guys have to beat me up right to the very last minute, don't you?" Daniel smiled wryly, rubbing his back. Sam kissed his cheek.

The doors opened, and they rode down. "I wish I were going too, Sam, and not just because it's my life's dream," he said sarcastically. "I'm going to miss you. I guess I've always felt we sort of understood each other, being geeky scientists and all."

"Daniel," Sam elbowed him.

"Oh come on, Sam, you don't get a pass on the geek description just because you like to blow up stuff and can fly a jet." He grinned at her fondly.

"I'm going to miss you, Daniel." Sam smiled. They got out on level 28, went through her the things she had sent ahead to her lab and found everything intact. As they were sealing everything up, Daniel asked about Jack.

"I don't know, Daniel. I guess he's all right about this, but there's really no choice. I need to go." Sam leaned against the stainless steel table.

"There _is_ a choice, Sam." Daniel said. He had always thought Jack was crazy not to retire.

"Well, Atlantis is very far away, Daniel." Sam sighed. "I don't see how it can work." It was easier to blame the distance than to tell him the real problem- especially considering she didn't know what the real problem was.

"That _can't_ be the end, Sam," he said, looking at Sam with genuine concern. Daniel knew what real love was, which was why he had never been able to understand Sam and Jack, still engaged in this intense and painful and beautiful dance… but he was a romantic soul. He wasn't military. Daniel shook his head.

Sam nodded with such a tormented look in her eyes that Daniel put his arms around her just like he had all the other times they thought they'd lost Jack. Why she'd lose him on purpose now was beyond Daniel's comprehension.

Teal'c walked in and they said their tearful goodbyes. Then she went up to level 26 for the formal change of command.

As per base standards, there wasn't much that was formal about it. By teleconference yesterday, Sheppard had already been briefed on the changes and seemed happy enough. McKay had been shocked. Everyone else seemed to be willing to give Sam a crack at it.

Today, General Landry just mentioned a few words of encouragement and shook her hand. Then they got a call from Sgt. Harriman that General O'Neill was on the video, and they went downstairs.

"Colonel Carter." Jack had only a trace of a smile on his face.

"Yes, General." Sam replied.

"I want to congratulate you on your new post, wish you luck, Godspeed and all that."

"Thank you sir."

"They're lucky to have you Carter."

"Thank you, sir."

"Remember, I said I'll be coming for a visit."

"We'll be ready for you, General."

"All right. O'Neill out." and the line went blank.

Sam turned to Landry, hugged him and went down to the gate room and through the gate to Atlantis.

Jack turned the telecomm off. He went to his desk and buzzed his assistant. "Jim, hold my calls for a while, okay?"

"Yes, General."

Jack loosened his tie and poured himself a shot glass of whiskey. He sat back in his chair and put his feet on the corner of the desk, then downed the whole shot and put his head back to stare at the ceiling. He felt as if there was a black space in his soul that no amount of whiskey could fill, and it had been there forever. Sometimes it didn't bother him, and sometimes it could swallow him whole, like when Charlie died.

He sighed and thought about Sam. She had just about had him fixed up, had made him normal like other people. God, they'd been so happy… and then he put her back on SG-1. The regret was so strong it took his breath away.

What Sam didn't understand was that he was afraid. He was more afraid of her than anything he'd run up against in his life, and that was saying something. Jack put his feet down and poured another shot.

Sam stood in her new quarters, almost too exhausted to move. She'd just shooed away McKay and Keller and was ready to rest. She hadn't done very much that day, really, but traveling three million light years just took it out of one's system, she guessed. She put away her books and laptop, and sat down on the bed to begin unwrapping her few personal effects.

At that moment, the doorway darkened once again. "Colonel Carter."

It was John Sheppard. She smiled. "John- a half-rank above you isn't much."

"All, right, Sam. How are you doing?" His head was tilted to the side, hands in his pockets. Much too good-looking for his own good, Sam thought.

"Fine. Almost done." Sam continued to unwrap a few photos and set them on her bed.

Sheppard nodded. He looked around the room.

"That's a pretty big picture of the General you got there. Plan on putting it in the conference room?"

Sam gave him a wry smile.

"So…" He sat down on a chair across from her. "Did he send you or did you volunteer?"

"Both, probably." Sam said honestly.

"He's the man, Sam. He gets to pull all of our strings." Sheppard picked up some wrapping paper and tossed it into a box. "Yours more than the rest of us, I'm afraid." He sat back.

She shook her head. First Malcolm and now Sheppard. Interesting that the people who _really_ knew Jack had a different opinion of him than the ones who only worked with him on occasion.

"You know what I think of him, Sam." Sheppard stood up to help her stack the empty containers.

"That he's just like you?" Sam smiled and she put her arm around his shoulders, giving him a friendly hug. Then they went down the hall to dinner.

Later on, when Sam was finally able to get to bed, she wondered about that photo. She remembered when she got it, when she could finally ask Daniel for a picture of Jack without guilt or fear, when it seemed that everything they'd waited for had finally happened.

Sam sighed. She never wanted a house with a white picket fence- Pete had clarified her feelings on that well enough. And helping raise Cassie seemed to have satisfied her need for children. As Jacob had said- or she thought he said- she just needed someone to love who loved her in return. Sam rolled onto her back and held the picture to her, her arms crossed over it. "Jack," she whispered to the empty room, tears sliding sideways into her hair, "Jack, what's the matter with us?"


	3. Red Shifted

The next few weeks took on a familiar pattern, just like it had been at the SGC. There was always something new and interesting to be learned, and then there was the occasional disaster. She communicated once a week with the SGC, and she did get the opportunity to say hello to Daniel, Cam and Teal'c, who seemed to be doing well with the exception of the predictable squabbling over who'd be the next member of SG-1.

"Don't make me come over there." Sam threatened Cam.

"That's the idea. If we behave badly, you'll have to come back." He laughed with that quirky smile Sam knew usually meant trouble. She missed them all so badly that it hurt. Sam filled Landry in on the nuts and bolts of the operation, and after she signed off she tracked down Rodney in the lab.

"McKay, when we send our report to Landry every week, it's nothing but an ordinary radio wave, correct?"

"That's basic gate knowledge. " McKay looked at her "I'd really like to offer you a tutorial on the gate bridge that _you_ and I built, but I'm busy, here." He raised his eyebrows at her, only half-jokingly.

"There's no reason why I couldn't send an ordinary cell phone transmission through?"

"No, not theoretically, but we don't have cell phones here, they're useless. And there's no transmission out of the mountain."

"I have a cell phone. I forgot and left it in my briefcase." Sam smiled. "And we put a cell transmitter on the top of the mountain and at level 14, not too long ago."

"To whom do you wish to speak?" Suddenly Rodney was_very_ interested in her silly question.

"It's just a question." Sam smiled.

"It's never, "just a question" with you, Carter." He crossed his arms. "Everyone's going to want to do it. We'll have to ship in a carton full of phones, now, you know." He began his predictable whining.

"Oh well, that's a problem for engineering, Rodney, not you."

The next week they opened up an outgoing wormhole for their regular communication. When they were finished, Sam asked Landry, "General, I'm going to keep the wormhole open for a little while. We're going to try an experiment."

"It doesn't have to do with black holes or particle beams, does it?" Landry knew her history all too well.

"No, sir, I promise no one will get hurt. Not even Siler." Sam smiled.

"All right."

Sam turned on her cell. She didn't know if the tiny amount of radiation would work to hold open the wormhole, but remembered that it was a very tiny, though steady amount that had actually detonated the gate in the past. She needed to dial someone off the base to see if her theory would work.

Her hand hovered over her phone. God, how she wanted to hear his voice, that deep voice that could command her to set the C4, ask her to find a solution or coax her into bed. She dialed the phone.

It rang.

"Agent Malcolm Barrett."

"Hi, Malcolm." Sam said.

"Hey, Sam! Where are you?"

"You won't believe it."

"Pegasus." Malcolm sat back in his chair, stunned. "I can't believe it."

"See."

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Great," he said. "I haven't had to deal with the SGC in days. You work with an interesting crowd, Colonel Carter."

Sam laughed. "Yeah. Well, I wanted to thank you for helping McKay and his sister."

"As long as it doesn't involve brainwashing, I'm good to go."

"Then you won't mind that I'm experimenting on you right now."

The phone was silent.

"Malcolm- it's just a phone. Really."

"Oh. Okay. Don't ever say that to me again, all right?"

Sam smiled. "Goodbye, Malcolm."

"Hey, Sam, can I call you?"

"No, it's a one-way street."

It usually is, thought Malcolm. Only it runs in the other direction. He smiled and flipped his phone shut.

A few phones arrived the next day. McKay went into a tizzy establishing ground rules, but eventually worked out a solution that at least allowed some limited calls back home. He caught Carter in her office in the early morning. "You still have it. The art." McKay said, pressing his lips together.

"Rodney you couldn't have known about…"

"And I don't have the people skills, just as you said. So I wouldn't have thought of it if I _had_ known."

Sam looked puzzled. "When did I say that?"

"That time you were half-naked and…"

"McKay!" Sam warned him off, but with a smile. He was starting to grow on her a little- like a fungus. He left, smiling.

Sam tapped her pen on her paper, remembering her own hallucinations. _"I will always be there for you."_ Somewhere out there, in all that space, she knew he was. She tried not to think about it.

* * *

Sam stood at the balcony that night, looking over Atlantis. "Pretty, huh?" Sheppard commented, coming up behind her. Sam nodded. 

After a while she asked, "What do you think about Elizabeth?"

"I don't have a plan, yet, Sam." He looked out to sea, but his eyes saw far past the horizon. His casual manner belied the pain Sam suspected was in his heart. She remembered the many times Jack had been missing, or worse, and she truly sympathized, because John wasn't allowed to show his fear, either.

"Something will present itself. Elizabeth is strong and smart. We just have to keep our eyes open, John."

"Of course _you're_ optimistic. SG-1 is legendary for having nine lives. We all go by and rub your doorknob for good luck." He smiled slightly, and then it faded. "You spent a little time with the replicators, Sam. What are her chances?"

"A little time?" Sam winced. "They're cruel, John. Emotional and mental torment is their game. They know how to get to us, but maybe they'll just copy her and give her back, like they did with me."

"Do you think Elizabeth is like _them_ now? Are there enough nanites to turn her into one?" Sheppard gazed back out at the twinkling lights of Atlantis, and the black sea beyond.

"I don't know, John. How many nanites does it take to change someone into a person you don't know anymore? None of us knows the answer to that."

Sheppard looked at her. "It didn't take any for O'Neill." He started to walk off.

"John!" Sam's voice stopped him. "What's your problem with him?"

He turned back around, and then put his arm against one of the supporting columns. "Look, Sam, I've thought he was a cocky sonofabitch from the very first day I had the displeasure of flying him to Antarctica, and he's only gotten worse. When we rescued his and Woolsey's asses last year, he acted like he was doing us a favor."

"So? Even if that _is_ true, he's not the first general with an attitude that the USAF has ever had."

"Actually, I was also under the impression that Elizabeth had taken a liking to the General, myself. Wondering if that was a two-way street."

Sam understood now. She never for one minute doubted that Jack loved her, and only her. But she did see a little of Jack in John. "Don't be angry with her because she's gone." Sam gently reprimanded him.

"I never saw your bottle of champagne the day _you_ left for Atlantis."

_Don't be angry with her because she's gone._

Sam turned around to look back out over the ocean.

Sheppard felt like an idiot. He walked back up to the railing. "I'm really just telling you all this so you'll be too mad to ever go back home." Sheppard nudged her with his elbow.

She looked at him and gave him a wry smile. "How do you know these things?"

"Besides the fact I've got eyes and ears, McKay has followed your every move for years. I've heard it all. Thank God he's got a girlfriend now. Finally."

Sam shook her head. There were downsides to having such a brilliant team.

"Sam, I'm not being totally altruistic here. You need to keep your eye on the ball. We need you here."

She nodded. That was a fair thing to say.

"So that's why I'm not thrilled he's showing up here tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." They stood and watched the moons rise.

The next day was clear and bright, and Atlantis hummed with activity from sunup. Sam put on her blues and went with McKay and Sheppard- who made a point of not wearing his blues- to greet the General.

At a few minutes after nine, Jack walked through the event horizon.

He greeted them casually, his assistant carrying his briefcase. He shook hands with Sheppard and McKay, and then stood before Sam. "Carter."

"General. It's good to see you sir." Sam extended her hand and he slowly shook it, his hand warm and strong, his eyes seeing something in Sam's that made her look away. Either Jack couldn't remember or her hands felt softer and smoother now that she wasn't in the field. It was all he could do to keep from turning her hand over and kissing her palm, just to see. Sam wondered how Jack could make a simple hello feel so erotic. She slipped her hand out of his grasp and took a half step back.

McKay and Sheppard glanced at each other, and then took the opportunity to slip away and get back to work.

"How is Atlantis?" She could say it was about to sink into the sea, and he wouldn't care, as long as he could stand there next to her while it did.

"Well, as you know, we've had some very strange things happening, but everything's okay now, except for Dr. Heightmeyer, who is greatly missed."

Jack nodded. "Hold on, Sam." He turned to his assistant. "Jim, why don't you go guard my briefcase somewhere else?"

Sam smiled, and called one of the airmen over to give him a guided tour.

"What would you like to see first?" Sam asked him. Jack was stunned by how terrific she looked. She seemed to be holding up extremely well under the stress of the command.

"General?"

You, naked, Jack thought. "What would you like to show me?"

"Well, the thing of which I'm the most proud is the littlest."

"Yes, the great cell phone caper." Jack smiled.

"We can only call when the wormhole is open for official reasons, but the morale boost is huge." Sam beamed. Jack could see how much she cared for those under her charge. He hoped he'd had a little influence in that regard.

"Show me something M12-578-shattering." Jack gestured grandly up the main staircase.

Sam smiled at him. They walked through the labs and jumper bays, including the one with the underwater entry.

"I get breathless just looking at that water." Jack said sarcastically.

"It was pretty remarkable, what you were able to do." Sam said. "I'll bet it was pretty cold, too."

"Yes." He leaned cautiously over the railing. "It's full again."

"McKay's idea." Sam walked away from the narrow staircase. "Why heat, cool, or God forbid, oxygenate precious air in a rarely used bay? Although he did fix the switch."

"How are you handling that guy?"

Sam smiled. "He told me that the "thing" we had between us was over."

There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, then Sam said: "It's my understanding that your communications with me are somewhat less than your communications with the previous administrator of Atlantis, sir. As in zero."

"You're more capable."

"I see." They walked a little further. "Couldn't just telecom in for a chat? It's pretty lonely out here, Jack."

"Who'd _you_ call, Sam?" Because SG-1 was often at the base for the weekly link-up, he had a pretty strong suspicion about that.

"Official business, Jack."

"Yeah, right." He immediately regretted the sarcasm because he knew Sam was correct, but that didn't make him any less angry about- well, everything.

"I'm the commander at Atlantis. _Shouldn't_ I be hearing from you?" She took a deep breath. "I feel like I'm on SG-1 and you're still my Colonel."

"What does that mean?"

"We've only worked together once since, uh…"

"Since that night up at my cabin?" Jack tried not to smile, and failed miserably.

Sam nodded, determined not to let the Jack O'Neill charm work on her this time. "You've always kept me at arm's length compared to your other subordinates. Why?"

Jack shook his head. "Landry's your boss, Sam." He paused. "Lunch?"

Sam sighed and they started off down one of Atlantis' beautiful but less than functional hallways. "I thought we could go to the mess hall." Sam said. "Face time for the General, and all that."

"Oh." Jack was surprised. "Weir never wanted to be overheard. We always did it in the conference room."

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Had lunch and went over the supernova-sized problems, Sam." Jack smiled and shook his head.

"Sheppard has a different idea about that, Jack."

"He's only around because he does a damn good job. Sheppard's a cocky sonofabitch."

"He said the same thing about you." Sam said. "And, I'm the one who gets to say whether he stays around or not, with all due respect, General."

Jack looked at her, surprised and pleased at her manner. Being here had changed her. She was becoming everything he'd thought she could be. He was so proud of her, he thought his heart would burst if it weren't already broken.

They left the chamber and passed by Sam's quarters. She mentioned what Sheppard had said about the lucky doorknob. Jack smiled.

"Why don't you just have everything sent up here from the mess hall? I don't want any eavesdroppers, Sam." Jack reiterated his objection to her chosen meeting spot, mostly because he wanted to be alone with her.

"I thought I'd see if some of that deliberate distancing would work for me as well as it has for you." Sam's eyes flashed.

Jack started to speak, then looked down the hall. He opened the door to her apartment and hauled her in, then shut the door.

Sheppard came around the corner at that precise moment. He shook his head in bewilderment. Then a sly smile crossed his face, and he went back the way he'd come.

"Knock it off, Sam." Jack said, shutting the door behind him.

"I want an answer. We agreed we'd never let our personal feelings affect our jobs, but they have. Only in the exact opposite way we thought they would." Her blue eyes flashed and her breathing quickened.

Jack sat down. He took a deep breath and looked up at her. " I can't explain it, Sam. I won't deny you're right."

He had so much pain in his eyes that it broke her heart. What was it Jonas had said? "The bird with the broken wing you couldn't fix." Sam looked at Jack and thought he might be another one.

They were silent for a few moments, and then Jack noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He rose abruptly and walked over to the table by the window where his picture was. Sam bit her lip. He wasn't meant to see that. He picked it up, then looked at her, feeling as if he couldn't breath, as surely as if he were still underwater in the jumper bay.

Sam walked over and took it out of his hands. "I can't explain it, either," she said, putting it back on the table.

Jack put his hands on her arms, his heart pounding. "I thought you were through with me."

She looked helplessly into his brown eyes. "I thought so, too."

Slowly and tentatively, Jack brought his lips to hers. He kissed her softly, and pulled her to him, holding her tight, feeling her breathe.

"Jack, we have work to do." Sam said, breaking away from his grasp. She was miserable. Everything was as confusing for her as it was the day she left for Atlantis.

Jack looked at her face, and understood. He followed Sam back out the door.

Jack was impressed with the reports, and a bit jealous. "Hell, Sam, you've already had as much of a chance to shoot things up as I had in a whole year at the SGC. And that deal with the Wraith ships blasting each other right over Atlantis- how did you know they'd do that?"

Sam smiled. "I didn't."

He looked at her and shrugged. Jack went on to observe that Sheppard was no less reckless and still spent too much time evaluating the assets of the alien female population.

Sam laughed. "With a couple of notable exceptions, you were pretty well-controlled, I must admit."

"Don't give me too much credit, Carter. I was only trying to set a good example." He smiled. "And I was sort of occupied with evaluating _your_ assets."

They went for a walk around the city, something Jack hadn't done before since his other visits were more-or-less crisis oriented. Sam rattled off the various uses for this and the specs for that, clearly happy in her new assignment. Jack smiled at her enthusiasm. After they came in, he programmed the teleporter and they ended up near Sam's quarters. "I'd offer you something to drink, but I don't really have much." Sam said.

"You know what they say about all work and no play, Sam." Jack chided her.

"I know. You've been telling me that for over a decade."

They entered her apartment. On the coffee table sat a bottle of champagne, with a note. "Bon Voyage, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard." Sam smiled slightly.

Jacked looked at it. "A message in a bottle, huh, Sam?"

"I didn't say anything."

Jack sat down and ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't tell me she needed the support, and I don't." Sam stated before Jack could say anything. Then she visibly relaxed, remembering what she'd told John on the balcony the night before. "I guess you do have a right to be angry with me." She popped the cork on the champagne, and poured two glasses, handed one to Jack, then sat down across from him. She kicked off her shoes and crossed her legs. "I'm sorry Jack, I didn't want to fight with you, today. It's just that since I've been here I've had plenty of time to think."

"And?" Jack asked, taking off his jacket.

"I don't know." Sam got up to pour some more champagne, as the first glass had gone surprisingly quickly.

Jacked looked around her quarters. "I don't see Barrett's picture around."

"Didn't I say I didn't want to fight with you?" Sam said, wearily.

"He must get the spot on your nightstand."

Something in Sam snapped. She put the bottle down. "Get up," she told Jack.

"Throwing me out?" He looked at her without moving.

She walked over to him, her eyes blazing. "Get up, or I'll pull you up by that lovely blue tie of yours."

Jack looked at her. He was fifteen years her senior and had a desk job. She'd been going out in the field every day until recently. She probably could do it. He stood up. She took his arm and led him back to her bedroom.

"See any pictures?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"It takes years to get into my gallery."

"Evidently only a few weeks to get into your pants."_There. That should do it._

It did.

Sam slapped Jack as hard as she could.


	4. Binary stars

"That's going to leave a mark." Jack said, without moving, his eyes searing her like burning hot coals. Sam stood in front of him, her chest heaving with deep, angry breaths, her cheeks flushed. She was ashamed he'd been able to provoke her.

"Why do you do this?" Sam asked him. Her hand stung. She wondered what his face felt like. "You know what you're saying isn't even true. You're so- _destructive_ sometimes."

She shook her head and went back into the living room. "I swear to God, Jack, sometimes it's as if you don't want me to care about you." She picked up her glass. Their eyes met. Sam realized she'd just hit on the truth.

"Why?" She almost dropped the glass from her hand.

Jack shook his head. There was that pained expression again. Sam didn't know if it was the fatigue, the wine, or the frustration, but finally the tears started welling up, tears she'd been holding back for months. He put his arms around her and held her to his chest, kissing her forehead.

"You'd be better off without me, Sam. But I can't stay away." Jack held her back and looked at her, wiping away her tears. "Not even shipping you off to another galaxy helped."

Sam shook her head. "I can't live like this. You're distant no matter how far away you are." She touched his face. He was going to have a faint bruise. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I deserve a lot worse."

"Stop it!" Sam's patience had reached its limits. "You tell me I'd be better off without you and that you deserve a lot worse- why don't I get a say?" Sam questioned adamantly.

"In fact, why don't I just tell you that you'll _never_ get rid of me? So you can just stop holding me at arm's length, because it won't work. Why don't I just tell you that? Stop me if I'm wrong okay, because I'm just going to keep going until we both get it."

Jack nodded. So far she was right- and she was on a roll.

She took a drink of the champagne. It was going to her head- actually, it was already there. "Despite the fact that you're the most stand-up guy I've ever met, despite the fact I've been in love with you for seven, or eight, or nine years- I've lost track- you're afraid. I don't know what you're afraid of, Jack. Do you?" Sam literally had Jack up against the wall.

He was struggling to answer her. Sam stood on her toes and whispered in his ear. "Do you, Jack?" She took off his tie. "Do you know?"

"I'm afraid you'll die because I'm not there." Jack said, his heart pounding hard enough to move his shirt collar. "I can't watch over you anymore."

"You don't need to. I'm a big girl now, Jack." She put her lips just over his, barely touching, "A colonel, just like you were when we met." She opened her mouth against his, and slowly ran her tongue over his upper lip. Jack shuddered at the touch. As he leaned in to kiss her, she dropped down on her feet.

Jack shut his eyes and put his head back on the wall, completely taken off guard by her behavior. He quit trying to figure out what she wanted and focused on the kisses that were burning their way down his neck. "What else, Jack?" Sam unbuttoned his shirt and dropped it to the floor. "What else are you afraid of?" She brought his head down to her with both hands and kissed him so hard and deeply that he groaned inwardly, crushing her body to him, while he dismantled her uniform. She moved her mouth to his ear, kissing it as she whispered. "Are you afraid I'm going find out some deep, dark secret that you've been carrying around for years?" Sam leisurely ran her fingertips over Jack's broad shoulders and back, feeling the scars from so many years of combat, and wondered how many there were on his soul. "Maybe you killed someone who didn't deserve it, maybe you made a bad decision, a terrible decision. I don't care, Jack. I already know who you are." Sam pushed him, pressed in to him, body and soul. "You're a _good_ person, Jack, and I love you."

Jack's roving hands became motionless on Sam's soft warm skin, and it seemed as if she had stolen his ability to speak. Then she felt several small catches in his breathing, followed by a few more. She kissed his cheek and found it wet and salty, and that frightened her. "Jack. Oh- I'm sorry."

He buried his face in Sam's hair, and for the first time in over a decade, Jack O'Neill cried. For all the things he'd done, all the things he'd had to do- things soldiers never spoke of, not even to each other. For the people he couldn't save no matter how hard he'd tried. For how he'd kept Sam locked out, even when he didn't have to any more- and all those years when he pushed her away because he loved her and was powerless to do anything about it.

It didn't matter anymore. He was forgiven.

Jack remembered back to what Orlin had said about her- he remembered hearing the tape as if it were yesterday-..._you're a good person… your heart is pure… your spirit is beautiful._ If she forgave him for being him, he had no need of clergy. He had his absolution.

Jack raised his head. Sam's concerned eyes broke his heart just as it was starting to heal. "I'm all right, Sam., and I'm sorry. More sorry than…"

Sam put her finger up to his lips. "No more."

_Forgiven._

Jack kissed each one of her fingers, then her palm, exactly the way he'd wanted to when he first touched her that morning. Then he found her lips, and impressed a very different kiss than the one they'd shared minutes earlier. Gentle, sweet and longing, but no less passionate. Sam put her hands on his face, drying it with her delicate hands, holding his mouth to hers as if she were trying to hang on to her own soul. She led him back into her bedroom, and their lovemaking was different, too. Slow, tender and exquisite, they breathed as one, moved as one, became one until they completely gave themselves up, one to the other and a dark blanket of ecstasy covered them both.

Sam lay curled up on her side, Jack behind her, as their heartbeats slowed. She lay with her eyes closed, feeling him breathing, feeling complete, and drew his arm across her breasts with a happy, satisfied sigh.

Jack raised himself up on his elbow and brushed her hair behind her ear. Finally, he thought he could face his deepest feelings, could express them out loud without fear of cosmic retribution. She wouldn't be taken away as payment for his sins. "I love you, Samantha."

Sam squeezed her eyes shut as his arm tightened around her, removing any remaining space between them. She knew then that the cover stone had been lifted off of Jack's heart, because he'd never been able to say those words before. Not ever.

It was his turn to hold her until the tears ran dry.

The sun was starting to set when they reluctantly left the warmth and security of Sam's bed.

"When are you going back?"

"I thought if I got lucky, a couple of days." Jack pushed up the knot on his tie. "I got lucky." He smiled into the mirror at her, with that little smirk that made her wonder if they weren't getting dressed a little too soon.

Sam smiled back. He knew she was such a sucker for his jokes, however lame they might be. He could always make her smile. "We'd better get you and Jim a place to stay, then. I didn't know."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Carter! We're the talk of the water cooler in two galaxies. And besides, how're you going to explain this away?" Jack turned his head to display his Sam-hand-sized mark, still red. "I could have you court-martialed."

"Oops."

"Actually I'm surprised you didn't just throw a punch."

"I didn't want to break anything." Sam gently kissed his face.

"My nose thanks you for that."

"No, I meant my hand."

"You…" Jack grabbed her before she could get away and flung her on to the bed, pinning her down with his weight. "You're such a smartass, Mrs. O'Neill."

"Say it again."

"You're such a…" Sam cut him off with thumb to the ribs.

"Mrs. O'Neill." She was so easy to tease. He loved seeing that Jack-O'Neill-why-do-I-put-up-with-you grin again.

"That's better." Sam looked up into Jack's smiling eyes. "Do you remember when we were first married?"

"No, that kind of slipped my mind." Another thumb to the ribs. "Ow, God Sam, you're really beating up your old man, today, aren't ya?" He took both of her hands and held them down.

"You deserve it."

"I can't help it if I'm happy." He rubbed his face on her neck. "Of course I remember."

"That's the way I feel right now, only better."

"Better?" Jack kissed the notch at the base of her throat. He let her hands go.

"Yes."

"Better?"

"Uh, yes." Her breathing became shallower.

"Better?"

"Mmm"

"Better?"

At that point Sam couldn't say anything at all, and she only had one thought. _If he says "Com-traya", so help me God…_

Jack stayed on Atlantis for two more days, mostly staying out of the way and watching Sam command Atlantis. And command she did, but her iron fist was covered in velvet in a way he found remarkable. She certainly hadn't learned that from him, as cantankerous as he was. There was one thing though, that he needed to set right.

On the morning Jack left, he sat down with John and Sam to talk strategy.

"What's your handle on the situation with the replicators, Sheppard?" Jack asked, watching him closely.

"Right now, it's a wait-and-see approach, sir."

"You wait and hope they don't see you?"

"Yeah. Right now they're tied up with the Wraith." Sheppard said, a little defensively.

"It's all we can do for now, General. Elizabeth didn't know where we landed." Sam added quickly, knowing where the conversation was heading.

"But they could find out about Atlantis, earth and how we destroyed the replicators there. They could know everything she knows. My job is to protect earth, and that was a major security breach."

Not that SG-1 wasn't guilty of the exact same thing in the past, observed Sam- but Jack was right.

Sheppard nodded and looked directly at O'Neill.

"Your team is the first line of defense for Atlantis, which is the first line of defense for the Milky Way. If you get into a situation, Sheppard, you're making the choice for all those people. They come first."

"I think what the General is trying to say, John…"

"Colonel, I know what the General is trying to say." Sheppard's eyes flashed. "He thinks I'll let personal feelings get in the way of doing my job."

Jack leaned across the table and looked at John closely. "I killed Colonel Carter myself. Brain-dead. It was only a brilliant thought by Daniel that brought her back. Why don't I send you the mission report so you can see you're not the only one who's ever had to make the choice?"

"That's not necessary." John said. "I understand."

"Like hell you do. I sent her into harm's way every goddamn day for seven years. While you were flitting around in your helicopters I was asking her to do things you can't even imagine."

John and Jack stared at each other across the table. John had no idea Jack could even think that way, much less tell it to a fellow officer. He looked at Sam, who nodded. John felt a newfound respect for their sacrifices, and a chilling awakening to the reality of his own.

"All right. General, I think we understand each other." Sam said, ending the conversation. Jack left the room, followed by Sam and John.

"He killed you?" Sheppard asked, still shocked.

"Yes."

"Wow. That's really special. He kills you, you beat him up," Sheppard said, tapping his face. "When I like someone, I send flowers."

Sam gave him a wry smile. He didn't miss a thing. "Shut up, Colonel. And thank you for the champagne."

"See?" Sheppard smiled smugly and walked off.

Jack didn't dare to touch Sam as they stood before the gate.

"It's not going to be that long, Jack." Sam tried to convince herself.

"I guess not." He should be used to this by now, but he wasn't.

"Just go." Sam whispered. He did.

The next few days seemed slow and heavy. Sam almost wished for a major crisis just to get her mind off of Jack. Even knowing she had leave coming in a few weeks didn't help- because she knew she couldn't count on it actually happening.

She sat in her office staring at the picture of the two of them together, fishing. Someday, she knew they'd be together for good, but for now, she and Jack were where they had to be. Neither one of them could turn their backs on their positions, because the fact was, no one could do it better than they. Sam sighed. Duty, honor, and responsibility didn't really do much for a broken heart.

Then the alarm for an incoming unscheduled wormhole sounded. Sam's thoughts jumped from self-pity to cautious interest as she left the office and looked over the balcony.

"It's the SGC," the telecomm technician advised. General Landry appeared on the screen as Sam walked around the console.

"Colonel Carter."

"Yes, sir. Good to see you, sir."

"You too, Colonel. I'm sending through a package for you, from O'Neill."

"What is it?" Sam puzzled.

"Don't know. He said it wasn't a virus or a bomb, so I guess you're safe. I'll talk to you in a few days. Landry out."

"Yes, sir." Sam said to no one. At that moment, a small box popped out of the event horizon, fell on the floor and was promptly retrieved by an airman who brought it up to the command center. With a small crowd gathering in on her, Sam excused herself to her office and shut the door. She opened the cardboard box with her letter opener. In it was a small, ornate box about six inches long, like a little treasure chest. She started to smile. Sam opened the box, took out the shiny gold ball, and held it in the palm of her hand.

In a minute, Jack's image appeared. "Surprise."

"I'll say." Sam could not contain her smile. "Where…"

"Oh, a buddy of yours decided it was in the national interest to figure out the range of a goa'uld communication device, so the NID took two from Area 51."

"Malcolm?"

"Yeah, he said he wished I'd been right, but the smackdown you gave me almost made up for it." Jack laughed. Sam blinked. A real laugh from Jack O'Neill. There's another for the history books.

"Sam?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Uh uh." Jack warned her.

"I'm just happy that you're happy."

"Isn't that my line?" Jack teased her, remembering the whole screwed up incident in the elevator.

"Yeah, but this time it's sincere." Sam teased back.

"So it is." Jack sighed, and then shook off the self-recrimination. _It didn't matter anymore._

"Jack, I don't know anything about the power source for these."

"Ever the scientist."

Sam started to feel a little shaky. "I don't want it to run down, so I'm going to put this away. I'll see you in three weeks."

"You know…" Jack said slowly, stopping her, "A very smart woman once told me space might bend far enough so that two points really far apart could actually be side-by-side."

Sam found it hard to speak. "That's right."

"And time is relative."

"Yes."

"I will always be there for you."

Sam couldn't say anything for fear of bursting into tears.

"This is the part where you say, "Me too, Jack." He wondered how she could love him so much and still break his heart.

She nodded.

"All right, Sam," he said gently. Sam and Jack both put their devices away.

Jack went over to the window and watched as winter settled over D.C. He realized he'd had it backwards all along. Sam wasn't someone he'd taken, deceived or borrowed- she was a gift he needed to learn to accept. He shook his head at the stunning simplicity of it. Jack's mouth turned up a little on one side. It must be because it's almost Christmas, he thought, watching some workmen stringing lights in the distance- because there was something else he knew about gifts.

Once you get one, it's yours forever.


End file.
